News from the old homestead
Jul. 24th, 2001 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thessalianThe chibi's mother read the entries from the old place ... or tried to before I locked it down. The fox pointed her there out of concern for the chibi. The fox is convinced that the experiment was somehow my fault. I don't know if she's right ... maybe I give off bad vibes or something.
I wonder if it's possible to take on the negative emotions and general problems of people. Well, the spiritual world is very real; I know it firsthand. No, it wasn't very nice to me. And as I've been told, I can't take away the root causes of the dilemmas of my friends. But if I can shoulder some of the weight, maybe I should try.
Well, no, let's be fair. I shouldn't try. I know that. The umbro (henceforth Ryu) wants me to trust him and just not do it. Fair enough, after the last time. (For those of you just tuning in, I tried to pry into the 'spirit realm' to get some answers to what was going on with Ryu's biological family awhile back. That called attention to me ... some fairly unwanted attention, stemming back from something I may have picked up from a [and man this sounds dumb] rock back in California. If you want to hear about that, let me know and I may repeat it.)
There's a problem. That thing from the last time may not let me. That may be why Mamoru refers to whatever as 'the unwanted passenger'.
My brain is fuzzy; I haven't been able to think properly in days. I've written, but I don't know how the hell I managed that one. I've said things, notably to Ryu, that aren't me. I've been, if you believe some of our conversations, almost trying to push him away and out of my life. And I don't want to do that. But if I'm not totally vigilant, there I go and do it anyway.
When I remember that any problems that trying my semi-planned little stunt may cause will stress and upset my friends, it's like an icepick to my temple. If I just decide to take my mind off it, my sight goes kind of dim and all I want to do is sleep. I think something is trying to tell me something, but is it a good something or a bad something? I wish I believed it was good.
I picked the username "Thessalian" for the witch in the Sandman comics - Thessaly is an art student who is actually a witch of some power. Maybe this can show you why. I just wish I knew more about it. I'd either be able to fight this, or do what something wants me to do without hurting myself. As it is, I'm not sure if I want to sleep tonight.
Head pain again. Fuck.
Thessaly
A PS: Usagi's giving vent in the old place about some of the stuff from the old place, not to mention Ryu and I defecting from the message board. Frankly, I don't know where she gets off making statements about the martyrdom and seeking pity. I mean, we didn't ask for any of that. What we did was get out of a bad situation before it could get any worse, and given my finally offloading some of what I thought about her, it was probably the wisest course of action. Look at it this way. Ryu and I used to be ops on the channel; we were moderators on this board and all we ever tried to do was make the damn thing work. And if all we got was shit for it, why shouldn't we bail? Pity party, I don't think; we were just following consensus. I don't think it's necessarily fair to get driven out in that manner, even if that wasn't necessarily the intent, but what can I do about it but do it?
I wonder if it's possible to take on the negative emotions and general problems of people. Well, the spiritual world is very real; I know it firsthand. No, it wasn't very nice to me. And as I've been told, I can't take away the root causes of the dilemmas of my friends. But if I can shoulder some of the weight, maybe I should try.
Well, no, let's be fair. I shouldn't try. I know that. The umbro (henceforth Ryu) wants me to trust him and just not do it. Fair enough, after the last time. (For those of you just tuning in, I tried to pry into the 'spirit realm' to get some answers to what was going on with Ryu's biological family awhile back. That called attention to me ... some fairly unwanted attention, stemming back from something I may have picked up from a [and man this sounds dumb] rock back in California. If you want to hear about that, let me know and I may repeat it.)
There's a problem. That thing from the last time may not let me. That may be why Mamoru refers to whatever as 'the unwanted passenger'.
My brain is fuzzy; I haven't been able to think properly in days. I've written, but I don't know how the hell I managed that one. I've said things, notably to Ryu, that aren't me. I've been, if you believe some of our conversations, almost trying to push him away and out of my life. And I don't want to do that. But if I'm not totally vigilant, there I go and do it anyway.
When I remember that any problems that trying my semi-planned little stunt may cause will stress and upset my friends, it's like an icepick to my temple. If I just decide to take my mind off it, my sight goes kind of dim and all I want to do is sleep. I think something is trying to tell me something, but is it a good something or a bad something? I wish I believed it was good.
I picked the username "Thessalian" for the witch in the Sandman comics - Thessaly is an art student who is actually a witch of some power. Maybe this can show you why. I just wish I knew more about it. I'd either be able to fight this, or do what something wants me to do without hurting myself. As it is, I'm not sure if I want to sleep tonight.
Head pain again. Fuck.
Thessaly
A PS: Usagi's giving vent in the old place about some of the stuff from the old place, not to mention Ryu and I defecting from the message board. Frankly, I don't know where she gets off making statements about the martyrdom and seeking pity. I mean, we didn't ask for any of that. What we did was get out of a bad situation before it could get any worse, and given my finally offloading some of what I thought about her, it was probably the wisest course of action. Look at it this way. Ryu and I used to be ops on the channel; we were moderators on this board and all we ever tried to do was make the damn thing work. And if all we got was shit for it, why shouldn't we bail? Pity party, I don't think; we were just following consensus. I don't think it's necessarily fair to get driven out in that manner, even if that wasn't necessarily the intent, but what can I do about it but do it?
