At least my Sims bitch for a reason...
Aug. 28th, 2004 11:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thessalianHow could such a good day go so very, very wrong so fast?
I woke up this morning with a headache, bad sinuses and a serious case of the tireds. Still, I went and hung out with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thm in London. We did the usual, pretty much -- swung by Chinatown to try a restaurant we hadn't tried yet (nifty little Chinese/Japanese fusion place; good bento box and gyoza to die for), stopped at the Canada Store for ... well, typically Canadian stuff (no damn A&W though; suck), quick turn around HMV (headphones and Kerouak) ... then we went to the Orc's Nest. I bought him a d6, got one for myself and then took him down to a pub in Soho and taught him Chez Goth. There was much fun.
I checked my phone and there were text messages;cholten99 apparently having a hard time of it. Excuse me; know he's my friend and everything, but it's a little hard, y'know? I didn't have to cut my evening short, but the old worry machine just picked up again and I wouldn't have been able to have a good time anyway. I shouldn't have to worry so much and so deeply about this ... about him. There is shit I can do nothing about and he's a friend; we've made that very clear. I really need to shut down a bit more.
Anyway, I sat down and watched a lot of Buffy (taking great pleasure in seeing Buffy get verbally bitch-slapped, and Caleb is just completely awesome), then went to check my mail. Andy P's trying to organise 7th Sea on Monday while Mark and Kat are out. Things go snipey, partly because ofcholten99's bad mood, and my head just hurts now and I really wasn't in the mood for bullshit so I went ... well, you know how I go. Reminded them that we're only supposed to be doing all this to hang out and have fun, not whinge about who's character's being run as a NPC for two minutes to let another PC swap happen or why we're not playing a particular game instead of another. I also suggested that if everyone's free, we might play Mage. I don't know if nadriel is available on Monday, but anything's got to be better than the snipe-snipe-bitch-bitch, even if it's just sitting around playing card games or watching movies. We're supposed to enjoy hanging out together first and foremost.
Then gotcholten99 on AIM. Basic upset was ... well, it's supposed to be his own business, but apparently it involves me so I'm going to vent and I don't care. Basically his mother ... not so much bad-mouthed me, but made implications about my character that were somewhat less than flattering. To quote the man himself, "unpleasantness ensued". I don't know what went down, and I don't want to know. All I know is that no matter what I do, no matter how good I try to be, it's never going to be enough. It doesn't even have to have anything to do with what I've done; there are going to be people out there who are going to think the worst of me -- believe that I'm capable of things that had never even crossed my mind -- for the rest of my life.
I don't want to be people's bad impression magnet anymore. The thing is, even if I was stupid and weak enough to take myself off the planet (and I'm not going to, okay, so don't any of you start), that still wouldn't be enough. After all, the dead can't talk back or defend themselves against ill-informed shitheads and blind judgemental morons; alive, I at least have something resembling a shot. Not much of one, I'll admit, but it's better than nothing.
My head hurts, my heart hurts and I'm just completely fed up.
(Oh, by the way,commonpeople; UGC Shaftesbury Avenue's showing a Tartan Asia Extreme film called "The Phone". Japanese horror, apparently. Interested at some point before the 7th?)
I woke up this morning with a headache, bad sinuses and a serious case of the tireds. Still, I went and hung out with
thm in London. We did the usual, pretty much -- swung by Chinatown to try a restaurant we hadn't tried yet (nifty little Chinese/Japanese fusion place; good bento box and gyoza to die for), stopped at the Canada Store for ... well, typically Canadian stuff (no damn A&W though; suck), quick turn around HMV (headphones and Kerouak) ... then we went to the Orc's Nest. I bought him a d6, got one for myself and then took him down to a pub in Soho and taught him Chez Goth. There was much fun.I checked my phone and there were text messages;
cholten99 apparently having a hard time of it. Excuse me; know he's my friend and everything, but it's a little hard, y'know? I didn't have to cut my evening short, but the old worry machine just picked up again and I wouldn't have been able to have a good time anyway. I shouldn't have to worry so much and so deeply about this ... about him. There is shit I can do nothing about and he's a friend; we've made that very clear. I really need to shut down a bit more.Anyway, I sat down and watched a lot of Buffy (taking great pleasure in seeing Buffy get verbally bitch-slapped, and Caleb is just completely awesome), then went to check my mail. Andy P's trying to organise 7th Sea on Monday while Mark and Kat are out. Things go snipey, partly because of
cholten99's bad mood, and my head just hurts now and I really wasn't in the mood for bullshit so I went ... well, you know how I go. Reminded them that we're only supposed to be doing all this to hang out and have fun, not whinge about who's character's being run as a NPC for two minutes to let another PC swap happen or why we're not playing a particular game instead of another. I also suggested that if everyone's free, we might play Mage. I don't know if nadriel is available on Monday, but anything's got to be better than the snipe-snipe-bitch-bitch, even if it's just sitting around playing card games or watching movies. We're supposed to enjoy hanging out together first and foremost.Then got
cholten99 on AIM. Basic upset was ... well, it's supposed to be his own business, but apparently it involves me so I'm going to vent and I don't care. Basically his mother ... not so much bad-mouthed me, but made implications about my character that were somewhat less than flattering. To quote the man himself, "unpleasantness ensued". I don't know what went down, and I don't want to know. All I know is that no matter what I do, no matter how good I try to be, it's never going to be enough. It doesn't even have to have anything to do with what I've done; there are going to be people out there who are going to think the worst of me -- believe that I'm capable of things that had never even crossed my mind -- for the rest of my life.I don't want to be people's bad impression magnet anymore. The thing is, even if I was stupid and weak enough to take myself off the planet (and I'm not going to, okay, so don't any of you start), that still wouldn't be enough. After all, the dead can't talk back or defend themselves against ill-informed shitheads and blind judgemental morons; alive, I at least have something resembling a shot. Not much of one, I'll admit, but it's better than nothing.
My head hurts, my heart hurts and I'm just completely fed up.
(Oh, by the way,
commonpeople; UGC Shaftesbury Avenue's showing a Tartan Asia Extreme film called "The Phone". Japanese horror, apparently. Interested at some point before the 7th?)