Generic Update (plus cut rant)

[thessalian]

Ah, I like being misunderstood. Really. Love it. To bits.

I might point out to Ruth (since of course, we're not pretending we don't read each other's journals anymore, and since she obviously objects so strenuously to the nicknames, which I do because some of my friends would like to at least keep the spectre of anonymity -- sorry if I'm being considerate) the following:

a) 'Sleeping with phone in hand' is probably overstating the case. Sleeping with phone on bed near to hand is something else again, particularly when one's phone is cordless. Anyway, it was an accident and it happened once, not the whole time she was in town.
b) My friends don't breeze through every day. I thought it was a real kick that she did, and wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could. I wanted to open as many windows of opportunity as possible for that to happen. If that's some kind of criminal offense all of a sudden, throw away the key, baby.
c) I don't expect her to feel bad. I don't want her to feel bad. Okay, fine, part of me did, but as I think I pointed out, I knew I was being unreasonable.

Oh, you have a problem with me saying that I felt hurt on my public journal? If you really think that I posted that just to make someone feel guilty over behaviour that I knew wasn't the end of the world, you really need to either find out more about me or shut up. I posted that because, quite frankly, I wanted it out there in one fell swoop, both the unjustified disappointment and the fact that I knew it was a bit stupid to feel that way. All I really wanted was not to have to sit on it, let it grow, and perhaps blight future conversations. And the very idea that I'm self-deprecating on any of this ... oh, for fuck's sake, get a clue. I have a little more self-respect than you seem to think if you honestly believe I felt I deserved ostracism that wasn't even bloody well there.

What happened was that Jill got busy. She had a life. This is good. And as I said at the time, it's just as well because until Friday, I didn't have time for the lunch thing either, though I likely would have made some (as I said, this doesn't happen every day, her passing through). Get over it? Ruth, m'dear, I got over it the day she left. I felt bad about making something that even approached a scene the last time we saw each other. Guess what? It wasn't about me! I know that's hard to believe, but your mental picture of me has so solidified that it's kind of scary. I'm not like that anymore.

Incidentally, as far as the bloody checklist goes, I could justify the lot of them if I really wanted to, but if you want honesty, I'm probably guilty of 1 (for different values of friendship), 2 (but not for long; there'd just be more diaryland field day if I went off on another ill-conceived move) and 9 (explained that one already). No, not 15. Might seem like it, but not 15.

Fic? Something I do to pass the time. Note it no longer consumes my life. That kind of life-consumption is reserved currently for something that might get me paid someday. I post because other people do enjoy it, though they've finally got it through their heads that I don't want that kind of goddamn attention. And if I never get that kind of attention ever again, positive or negative, I will know, finally, that there is a God.

"On-line liver"? *shrug* It's just cheaper than the phone.

Anyway. I've had my vent about this, and will now move on to my life as it currently is.

Still trying to plan this party, but my mother wants to visit. I guess I have to be nice -- Mother's Day is coming up, after all. I promised her we could rent "Reign of Fire" to watch on my DVD player because no one else will see it with her and she hates going to the cinema alone. I anticipate, after the shoe-shopping fiasco (she wants me out of the Docs. Just because she buys 'em doesn't mean I have to wear 'em), we'll wind up sitting around my living room, getting drunk and watching flash-forward-fantasy on my itty-bitty TV.

After that, there's Shinji. He called last weekend while I was in Brighton to ask if I felt like going to Worthing to watch "IICY?" on his DVD player (he has a region one, lucky little shit). I said we'd reschedule but of course it can't be next weekend -- Mother's Day. Shame I didn't get his e-mails on the subject sooner -- I don't know how big Sussex is but I'm sure it couldn't have taken very long to get from Brighton to Worthing for an afternoon. Ah well, there'll be another time.

The war. The bloody war. That's one we don't talk about at work anymore. We prefer to bitch about the patients. And the doctors -- we have two new ones. One's ... very thorough. Overly thorough. And while we appreciate his trying to make sure we understand him, we'd really prefer him talk at slightly up from Ent-speed. And it'd be nice if the new consultant treated the secs like something other than furniture. But at least it gives us something to laugh about.

I think I'm gonna go out, not this weekend but next. This weekend I'm catching up on the sleep I missed in Brighton. (I didn't party in Brighton -- just the bed sucked.) But it'll be nice to actually get to Full Tilt this time around, now that I'm in the right mood to do it solo. Or not, depending on if johnny_eol turns up again.

Thess

Comments

[jonny-eol.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it seems unlikely I'll be heading Full Tilt-wards in the near future. I've already got plans for Saturday, and I don't think they'd work out if I'd just woke up from Full Tilt the previous night. Next time there's a decent gig on Friday night, I might well go there once more. FT can well be fun solo (I've done so a few time meself), as you can hardly talk well in there unless you really wear your voice out in the process.

[grimmy.livejournal.com]

it always strikes me as odd when people say that they have a great life and then proceed to say how someone else's life sucks. it's like they're trying to convince themselves that they have a wonderful life, when they in reality aren't happy with their life.

to pass judgement on a single event as described by the person(s) involved is one thing, but to say that someone's life is so and so is a completely different matter. you need way more info than you could ever get from an online journal to make valid statements on a person's whole life situation.

[(Anonymous)]

Guess how I got in here? Who am I and why should you care is the question...yes, the Bowman's interlinked journal entries. I can't say they are friends of mine but I do tend to like what they have to say..but it DOES bother me when someone gets all self-righteous and talks about how their life is and how it compares to others. I've gotten over that years ago..I don't really care so long as they ain't causin' no one any kinda harm, my trashy Californian side just came out there sorry...my my these North Korean pop songs are catchy and pretty..long live Our Great Leader! May the Juche spread throughout the lands!!

oh Never mind that. That;s what happens when you listen to songs about Kim Jong Il. Anyway, I do wish you great luck in your endeavors. Do you still write? Of course you do, you've got reams of journal entries, I'd have the same if I didn't purge them so much. I keep paper journals now..so more people can see them, and wonder! Wonder what? They will have to SEE and understand.

Do you still talk to dariajane btw? That is all, I shall depart, leaving you good graces.

-tony