I'm 'anonymous' here partly because I don't have a livejournal and partly because I have absolutely no wish to get dragged into this - it's been bad enough watching so many of my friends being upset by it (and I can say with total certainty that if you think they didn't care about all this you haven't remotely understood a number of them).
For the record, I'm not any of the people who's named above. I have been avoiding commenting up until now, since I figured anything I said would do more harm than good. If you're reading this now, I didn't hit 'delete' this time. I just can't watch someone keep making such a huge mistake without offering a word to help - even if it does mean risking a bunch of instinctive, ill-judged (albeit cleverly worded) aggression for it.
If you really don't know why it went the way it did, maybe you should think a bit more about it. To avoid something like this happening all over again with another set of friends, it might help to go back and read some of the things you have said - for any mutual acquaintance or total stranger to see - about the people you used to describe as your friends. You might also consider some of the things you haven't said or done.
You don't have to spend your life testing how much people will put up with and then saying they obviously never cared about you anyway once you've driven them away.
Also for the record, I'm actually physically shaking as I write this. I hate conflict that much, and I can already see the response coming to this. This is absolutely not intended to prolong the last argument - it's about you and your other friends avoiding the next one. If you're determined to have the last word on this, I'm happy to let you (though I doubt it will make you happy, and I also doubt I'll come back to read it).
Seriously, Jan - you don't have to keep doing this to yourself and the people you care about. We are all far more than just the sum of our past fucked-up experiences. I've been there - and I can promise you that here is a nicer place to be, and not impossible to get to if you really want to do it (I won't claim it's easy. I have a long memory). You just have to work on the assumption that most of the time most people are not out to get you, and that they're trying to be reasonable and do the right thing even if it may not feel that way to you.
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branchandroot
'I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment.'
Date: 2005-08-22 06:55 pm (UTC)For the record, I'm not any of the people who's named above. I have been avoiding commenting up until now, since I figured anything I said would do more harm than good. If you're reading this now, I didn't hit 'delete' this time. I just can't watch someone keep making such a huge mistake without offering a word to help - even if it does mean risking a bunch of instinctive, ill-judged (albeit cleverly worded) aggression for it.
If you really don't know why it went the way it did, maybe you should think a bit more about it. To avoid something like this happening all over again with another set of friends, it might help to go back and read some of the things you have said - for any mutual acquaintance or total stranger to see - about the people you used to describe as your friends. You might also consider some of the things you haven't said or done.
You don't have to spend your life testing how much people will put up with and then saying they obviously never cared about you anyway once you've driven them away.
Also for the record, I'm actually physically shaking as I write this. I hate conflict that much, and I can already see the response coming to this. This is absolutely not intended to prolong the last argument - it's about you and your other friends avoiding the next one. If you're determined to have the last word on this, I'm happy to let you (though I doubt it will make you happy, and I also doubt I'll come back to read it).
Seriously, Jan - you don't have to keep doing this to yourself and the people you care about. We are all far more than just the sum of our past fucked-up experiences. I've been there - and I can promise you that here is a nicer place to be, and not impossible to get to if you really want to do it (I won't claim it's easy. I have a long memory). You just have to work on the assumption that most of the time most people are not out to get you, and that they're trying to be reasonable and do the right thing even if it may not feel that way to you.