The other shoe finally drops
Mar. 25th, 2005 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thessalianToday started off as such a good day. I think the balance got tipped out of my favour somewhere along the way. But then, things have been going so far my way anyway that I suppose I was ripe for a bit of fallout.
The best part? We got the flat. Well, just about got the flat anyway. Holding deposits and paperwork. We should, all things being equal, move in somewhere around the 15th of April. And, depending on landlord's negotiations with the actual owners of the property (he's mortgaging), we might even get to take Yuki with us.
I think the worst of it, or at least the final straw, is the e-mail I got from my mother. She and her long-term partner are getting married in July. The ceremony's in New York and they want me to be there. I don't want to be there. I don't want to deal with that amount of crap anymore. Not now, not ever again. Sure, there's been some stress lately, but how much worse would it have been with my mother breathing down my neck? I dread to think. "Can't we be in contact?", she asks. No, we fucking can't. It never works. Time and time again we've tried to be in touch with one another and it always winds up with her stepping into my life and trying to run it. I'm not allowed privacy, I'm not allowed my own life, I'm not allowed to make mistakes... I can't deal with that kind of pressure. So I've basically written her saying ... well, not quite that, but that I didn't know if we could be in contact or not. I'll leave it there for now. At least that's out of the way.
As for being in contact, I'm not sure if I want that with anybody for a little while. I feel like such a monumental socio-emotional screw-up right now. That could just be the migraine (it went away, then came back worse), but I don't think so. Well, there was supposed to be a trip to see Constantine in the offing tomorrow (today, technically) but what with one thing and another, I'm not sure that one's going to happen. Another one I'll wind up having to catch when someone loans it to me on DVD or something, maybe. Not that I actually care at this point. I just want to curl up into an insensate little ball and cease to exist.
The best part? We got the flat. Well, just about got the flat anyway. Holding deposits and paperwork. We should, all things being equal, move in somewhere around the 15th of April. And, depending on landlord's negotiations with the actual owners of the property (he's mortgaging), we might even get to take Yuki with us.
I think the worst of it, or at least the final straw, is the e-mail I got from my mother. She and her long-term partner are getting married in July. The ceremony's in New York and they want me to be there. I don't want to be there. I don't want to deal with that amount of crap anymore. Not now, not ever again. Sure, there's been some stress lately, but how much worse would it have been with my mother breathing down my neck? I dread to think. "Can't we be in contact?", she asks. No, we fucking can't. It never works. Time and time again we've tried to be in touch with one another and it always winds up with her stepping into my life and trying to run it. I'm not allowed privacy, I'm not allowed my own life, I'm not allowed to make mistakes... I can't deal with that kind of pressure. So I've basically written her saying ... well, not quite that, but that I didn't know if we could be in contact or not. I'll leave it there for now. At least that's out of the way.
As for being in contact, I'm not sure if I want that with anybody for a little while. I feel like such a monumental socio-emotional screw-up right now. That could just be the migraine (it went away, then came back worse), but I don't think so. Well, there was supposed to be a trip to see Constantine in the offing tomorrow (today, technically) but what with one thing and another, I'm not sure that one's going to happen. Another one I'll wind up having to catch when someone loans it to me on DVD or something, maybe. Not that I actually care at this point. I just want to curl up into an insensate little ball and cease to exist.