I admit I've been
awful at using my LJ. Sorry, all. Now trying to think of what to actually say.
Well, let's start with the fact that my appointment with the neurologist is tomorrow. Without going into any real detail (I'm going to have to do enough of that tomorrow, thanks), things have been getting worse over the last couple of months. It's really starting to impede my ability to function, and the idea of trying to claim Disability Living Allowance has done more than cross my mind. I can't commute or work like this; I have a hard enough time with day to day living just now. I don't know what is wrong with my brain, but I get the impression that this isn't something that's going to get fixed overnight. I don't like the idea of registering as disabled, but given recent issues, I honestly don't know what else to do. I don't exactly qualify as 'able' anymore, all things considered. It galls me, but at least it's a solution that doesn't lead to a financial arse-fucking.
I now have more than one reason to hope to hell that when I get
Chaos Magic written, it actually sells worth a tin shit. There aren't many chapters to go before it's done (though the work has been slow, slow,
slow of late; the story's there, but my recent brain-wrong has meant that the words just haven't been coming, which more or less makes me want to cry), and there's so much to do even after it's written. The editing job has been done as I go, thankfully. I'm finding the podcasting a great tool for pre-edit; if I read out a sentence and it sounds off, I can identify it a lot easier than when trying to read it. It obliges me to pay more attention by virtue of having to read every word to speak it. So at least I'm less worried about the editing process than I usually am.
It's the graphic elements that are really bothering me. I
think I know what I want it to look like now, which is better than the last few months of "OMG WUT???", but I'm not sure how to put it together. Also, in some cases I'm having to settle because believe me, it is
hard to find a free-use graphic of a city block entirely covered in toads. At least we have an appropriate novelty mug in the house. I may just need to find a good Photoshop tutorial to get the visual effect I want in at least one case, and brush up my skills with Photoshop in general. I may also have to buy Play-Doh at some point.
Then there's setting up the Lightning Source account and blah-de-blah, but that's a ways off yet. Suffice to say, though, that the closer I get to the logistical bits of this, the more I want to run away and hide. And let's not even
discuss promotion when that's all done. Though at least I'm learning at the TwitterFox-ish feet of the masters in the form of JC Hutchins, Mur Lafferty and Matt Wallace. I'd say Scott Sigler as well, but I don't really follow him on Twitter or anything, mostly because I'm not really a major fan and it would feel dishonest somehow.
Oh, and one of my little squees of the moment is that Matt Wallace and JC Hutchins have actually read and commented on my
Absurdist Inc reviews of their podcasted stuff. Commented favourably, I might add. I wonder if Mike Bennett will read it when I finally get around to reviewing
Underwood and Flinch.
Anyway, at least that's something to occupy my thoughts while things go more or less to hell. Maybe it's a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's an oncoming train. I dunno, but I'll give everything my best shot, anyway. Beats the hell out of moping over silly online flash games and random free MMOs.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}