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Rock. [me] Hard Place.
Jan. 15th, 2009 03:39 pmI don't know what's worse - the pain, the other symptoms, the fret or the rampant screaming boredom.
The issue at hand here is that I cannot actually focus on anything. While normally during my bad migraines, the only way to ignore the pain is to wholeheartedly throw myself into something else - reading, writing, RP, FFXI, even idiotic flash games - that just isn't working at the moment. I can't focus enough to really do anything for any distinct period of time, when I keep seeing weird I-dunno-what that isn't there out of the corner of my eye and there's flashy spots in my immediate field of vision. This is making me ever so slightly nuts.
Then there's my sleeping patterns, or lack thereof. Now, I'm not great about this sort of thing at the best of times. However, last night was particularly bad in that, despite getting to bed at a 'normal' hour and actually being sleepy, I simply could not get to sleep because of this ringing hum in my right ear that lasted for a good four hours. I still haven't had enough sleep because when I woke up at about half-ten, after four-ish hours' sort of interrupted sleep, I decided that maybe just not napping in the day, no matter how tired I am, might help. I doubt it, but I can hope.
I meant to actually go out today, but I only made it as far as Waitrose on the grounds of it being an effort to walk a straight line. I'm feeling a bit better, but that's partially because I've been stationary for the last few hours. Headache, yes, and feeling a little woozy, but better. Still, you can bet that if I move, it's going to be bad. If I had the energy, coordination and stamina, I'd be throttling someone or clawing the walls about now.
I remind myself of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beepbeep's situation at times like these. Sure, it's frustrating that the NHS takes awhile to get referrals out, particularly in cases like these when it's starting to be less an inconvenience and more an actual worry, but the fact is that if I were living in the US right now, I'd be screwed to the wall. I'm not going to be one of those infuriating patients who insists that everything get done RightNowThisMinute when it's literally impossible under NHS policy, mostly because of how long I've worked in the NHS. I know how it works. I know that there are waiting lists and clinic lists that can't be overbooked and other people in straits similar to if not worse than mine and that these things take time. I certainly don't expect a referral letter in under a week. However, this does not mean I am happy about any of this. I'm bored and frustrated and hacked off and worried. I try not to be, at least that last, but I am. And I'm not actually capable of fixing the boredom. Arrrrrrgh.
This week is more or less a write-off, I think. I may risk the painkillers again - given my conversation with my GP, no one's going to accuse me of this all being analgesic overuse headache, mostly because I don't generally use analgesics because they don't help very much. Still, anything is better than nothing at this point. That and more idiotic flash games because I can't focus on much else and Sims 2 takes too damn long to load and is too iffy in any case.
The issue at hand here is that I cannot actually focus on anything. While normally during my bad migraines, the only way to ignore the pain is to wholeheartedly throw myself into something else - reading, writing, RP, FFXI, even idiotic flash games - that just isn't working at the moment. I can't focus enough to really do anything for any distinct period of time, when I keep seeing weird I-dunno-what that isn't there out of the corner of my eye and there's flashy spots in my immediate field of vision. This is making me ever so slightly nuts.
Then there's my sleeping patterns, or lack thereof. Now, I'm not great about this sort of thing at the best of times. However, last night was particularly bad in that, despite getting to bed at a 'normal' hour and actually being sleepy, I simply could not get to sleep because of this ringing hum in my right ear that lasted for a good four hours. I still haven't had enough sleep because when I woke up at about half-ten, after four-ish hours' sort of interrupted sleep, I decided that maybe just not napping in the day, no matter how tired I am, might help. I doubt it, but I can hope.
I meant to actually go out today, but I only made it as far as Waitrose on the grounds of it being an effort to walk a straight line. I'm feeling a bit better, but that's partially because I've been stationary for the last few hours. Headache, yes, and feeling a little woozy, but better. Still, you can bet that if I move, it's going to be bad. If I had the energy, coordination and stamina, I'd be throttling someone or clawing the walls about now.
I remind myself of
beepbeep's situation at times like these. Sure, it's frustrating that the NHS takes awhile to get referrals out, particularly in cases like these when it's starting to be less an inconvenience and more an actual worry, but the fact is that if I were living in the US right now, I'd be screwed to the wall. I'm not going to be one of those infuriating patients who insists that everything get done RightNowThisMinute when it's literally impossible under NHS policy, mostly because of how long I've worked in the NHS. I know how it works. I know that there are waiting lists and clinic lists that can't be overbooked and other people in straits similar to if not worse than mine and that these things take time. I certainly don't expect a referral letter in under a week. However, this does not mean I am happy about any of this. I'm bored and frustrated and hacked off and worried. I try not to be, at least that last, but I am. And I'm not actually capable of fixing the boredom. Arrrrrrgh.This week is more or less a write-off, I think. I may risk the painkillers again - given my conversation with my GP, no one's going to accuse me of this all being analgesic overuse headache, mostly because I don't generally use analgesics because they don't help very much. Still, anything is better than nothing at this point. That and more idiotic flash games because I can't focus on much else and Sims 2 takes too damn long to load and is too iffy in any case.