Lost

Well, this is it. Day of Reckoning. Today's the day I see him for the first time since the break-up and see just how stable I really am. If I'm damn good, I'll be able to run my game on top form, not get soppy, sarky or snipey with him at any point during the proceedings (unless he earns it) and even be able to eat at VegVeg with all pretense of enjoyment. But, you know, I'll settle for not throwing up or crying.

I don't feel so bad at the moment, but that may be because I'm not really awake yet. Infernal kitten decided she needed petting at some unGodly hour of the morning and when she didn't get it, decided to turn my ankle into a chew-toy. The petting was easier, and since I fed her, she's actually left me be. Ah, kittens.

Of course, I can't really complain. Yuki's one of the reasons I decided not to move out of the flat altogether. As Andy P said (bless his little cotton socks), "It's hardest on the children" and she's hard to manage when one of her 'parents' isn't home. Maybe when she's a little older, it'll be different. But anyway, I don't want to lose her too; I've already lost him, and that's resulted in my loss of appetite, self-assurance and general happiness, at least temporarily. As another violent and verbose Canadian once said, "I'm just tired of losing".

It'll be alright. It has to be.

Evil Points

Managed half a plate of lunch and some crisps. Not even sure if I'm hungry or not anymore. But at least I managed game all right.

( So, after the whole Pontypridd thing... )

It's been a long, wearing day. But I got evil points from Andy P -- you have no idea what an honour that is. He was actually great as Susanna -- I didn't think I was going to take her in that direction but it just really does work so well -- the dynamic's going to be interesting too and another couple of weeks should give me enough time to be able to play 'Carl's' ex... And tomorrow's 7th Sea. And God help me but there's got to be work...