Get Yourself Connected

The question has come up recently about first moves in communication -- the "call us; we won't call you" syndrome. I don't know if the comment was directed solely at me, but I can see the trigger points and it's a valid statement, I suppose. This is probably something that's going to have to be addressed on a one-on-one basis at some point in the future, but it does make me think about my interpersonal relationships and how I deal with them -- you know, maintenance-wise.

So, why won't I be the first to call someone? Why won't I just pick up the phone and dial to talk to someone? I guess because I'm shy. (Yeah, I know, stop laughing, it's true.) I don't like talking to people on the phone. I don't like the thought that I'm interrupting someone in the middle of something. I used to love talking on the phone, so I don't really know what happened there. I guess it was different with different people, is all. Besides, cellphone calls are expensive and I think I've used the land line at home twice since meeting cholten99, never mind moving in.

Yes, I should pick up the phone and ring thm. We should arrange a meet-up or something, as we haven't seen each other since I think that trip to see Lost in Translation. To be honest, I'd like that one to wait until I actually have some spending money -- or in fact, any money at all. Less than a week to go before payday so at least that can happen relatively soon, but I don't feel like hanging around with people who do have money to spend when I don't -- it just doesn't feel right to not be able to pay my own way. Don't know what I'm going to do about Saturday, in that case -- there's supposed to be mass outing for Andy P's birthday but I'm seriously considering backing out due to lack of funds. Besides, I don't know what this outing is going to involve.

There's another point -- first suggestion out of cholten99's mouth was the cinema, as in, "There's nothing new on at the cinema this week, right?" *sigh* It's depressing that, despite knowing about the migraine thing, his first suggestion doesn't take the fact that the cinema basically lets me out of the plan altogether into account at all. I'm just going to have to get used to feeling left out because my head is prone to fits of explosive pain if I sit in a darkened room and stare at a big lit screen for three hours. Not being able to go to the cinema without wanting to die afterwards is bad enough without the "you're missing out" factor ... or, worse, "it's worth the migraine, trust me". Ever had one? I mean one of the ones that makes you incapable of doing anything but lying there in a semiconscious ball of pain trying desperately not to scream, throw up or die? Seriously; I don't care how fucking good you think the PoA movie is, it is not worth that.

Hanging out with one's friends, though ... it might be. I sat through hours of roleplay last night despite the fact that I was in no small amount of agony through most of it because I like the people -- I'm not that shit-hot on Firefly in general (though I admit I haven't watched it yet) and my character tends towards lonerdom to the point where it's barely worth my while to play, so it wasn't for the RPG aspect. It was mostly because I like them and it's strange and new and nice to just have meatspace friends to hang out with. There's none of the Canadibrit bullshit or any twitchiness because of how I was a few years ago -- it's just them and me and it's all good.

I seem to have lost the thread here, but it all weaves together, I guess. It's all about friendship and communication. There's hiccups in every relationship -- I hate feeling like the odd one out because I can't eat cheese or go to the cinema ... but I guess I hate being "Canadibrit" even more sometimes. It's hard to open myself up to a situation where I'm CB to someone, rather than just being Jan. You wouldn't think there was a difference, but there is. There's a lot less pressure involved in being Jan.

Not a Campaign Speech...

I submitted a couple of my icons to the lain_icons icon competition thingie. I do not expect to win. Most of these people so obviously kick my arse.

Surprise is, some people are actually voting for me.

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*ahem*

I am not being a vote whore. I think you have to be a member of the community to vote, and anyone who is and wants to vote should vote for what they think is the best icon, not necessarily mine.

...But people are actually voting for me!

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