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Community Service Project -- Valentines
Feb. 12th, 2004 06:54 pmValentine's Day is in two days. Little tutorial for the girls -- particularly the ones in relationships right now. So, without further ado:
How to Lower Your Standards on Valentine's Day
1) "Aren't birthdays the one holiday the greeting card industry didn't make up?" This 'Daria' quote should be your mantra. If you can find a guy who actually doesn't believe this, he will claim to to get out of the whole celebratory slush-fest.
2) Do a little research on Valentine's Day and St Valentine. Apparently, the day itself has origins in the fact that birds choose mates halfway through the second month of the year. See here. But it's named for a bunch of guys (there were three St Valentines on record) who refused to give up Christianity and got burned at the stake. And let's consider the Valentine's Day Massacre. Well, an awful lot of red there, but not a lot of romance and the only mush would have been people's innards.
3) One for the environmentalists among you; regarding those dozen red de rigueur roses. When those things are purchased for you, you are indirectly contributing to the deoxygenation of our planet's atmosphere and screwing with the natural balance. Or something.
4) For those of you who have been in several relationships prior to the one you're in, or prior to your current singledom -- think back on those guys you dated. Remember the ones who used to make all the extravagant romantic gestures, got you flowers 'just because', were soppy and romantic and smooth? Remember how they all turned out to be lying cheating sneaking conniving bastards? Dramatic, extravagant gestures are often suspect; it's the diversion in a good magic trick for a lot of guys. Remembering that, you might be content with just the card.
5) A thing about guys; they were all conditioned to believe that their emotions will be laughed at. They aren't like us; they didn't have that supportive bunch of friends ready with the hankies and the chocolates and the commiserations that went along the lines of "Well, he's a bastard; they all are -- ooh, I need to go meet Steve in an hour..." (Okay, maybe scrap that last). Men see a problem, find a solution, and fix the problem without thinking about anybody's feelings along the way. So this means you have recourse if you're feeling hard done by. If you really thought it was worth it, you could make a foot-stamping scene and possibly be accused of being pre-menstrual -- well, definitely be accused of being irrational. So is a slightly wilted bunch of flowers and a meal in a restaurant really worth a foot-stamping rant that could be better saved for something longer term?
6) If all else fails, remember how he treats you for the other 364 days of the year (well, 365 this year). Tally all the romantic stuff he does for you -- flowers (until he found out that I wasn't much on cut flowers), chocolate for no reason, moving the furniture and lighting the living room with candles so you two can slow dance -- against the rest of it and ask yourself if, in the face of all that, Valentine's day is really worth it.
...Oh, and if you've suddenly become an Unreal Tournament widow two days before VDay...
Show no mercy.
How to Lower Your Standards on Valentine's Day
1) "Aren't birthdays the one holiday the greeting card industry didn't make up?" This 'Daria' quote should be your mantra. If you can find a guy who actually doesn't believe this, he will claim to to get out of the whole celebratory slush-fest.
2) Do a little research on Valentine's Day and St Valentine. Apparently, the day itself has origins in the fact that birds choose mates halfway through the second month of the year. See here. But it's named for a bunch of guys (there were three St Valentines on record) who refused to give up Christianity and got burned at the stake. And let's consider the Valentine's Day Massacre. Well, an awful lot of red there, but not a lot of romance and the only mush would have been people's innards.
3) One for the environmentalists among you; regarding those dozen red de rigueur roses. When those things are purchased for you, you are indirectly contributing to the deoxygenation of our planet's atmosphere and screwing with the natural balance. Or something.
4) For those of you who have been in several relationships prior to the one you're in, or prior to your current singledom -- think back on those guys you dated. Remember the ones who used to make all the extravagant romantic gestures, got you flowers 'just because', were soppy and romantic and smooth? Remember how they all turned out to be lying cheating sneaking conniving bastards? Dramatic, extravagant gestures are often suspect; it's the diversion in a good magic trick for a lot of guys. Remembering that, you might be content with just the card.
5) A thing about guys; they were all conditioned to believe that their emotions will be laughed at. They aren't like us; they didn't have that supportive bunch of friends ready with the hankies and the chocolates and the commiserations that went along the lines of "Well, he's a bastard; they all are -- ooh, I need to go meet Steve in an hour..." (Okay, maybe scrap that last). Men see a problem, find a solution, and fix the problem without thinking about anybody's feelings along the way. So this means you have recourse if you're feeling hard done by. If you really thought it was worth it, you could make a foot-stamping scene and possibly be accused of being pre-menstrual -- well, definitely be accused of being irrational. So is a slightly wilted bunch of flowers and a meal in a restaurant really worth a foot-stamping rant that could be better saved for something longer term?
6) If all else fails, remember how he treats you for the other 364 days of the year (well, 365 this year). Tally all the romantic stuff he does for you -- flowers (until he found out that I wasn't much on cut flowers), chocolate for no reason, moving the furniture and lighting the living room with candles so you two can slow dance -- against the rest of it and ask yourself if, in the face of all that, Valentine's day is really worth it.
...Oh, and if you've suddenly become an Unreal Tournament widow two days before VDay...
Show no mercy.
