Selfish?

I am not cut out to be a tour guide, I've pretty much decided. I did my knee a mischief, my feet hurt, I grazed the knuckles of my right hand to buggery on one of those over-rough lamp-posts they have in that area, and for the first time in my life I didn't enjoy the hell out of Camden. Enjoyed it, but not as much as usual.

Maybe part of it was the company. I'm sure they were lovely people, and no one was exactly rude, but three of the six people I was showing around showed no real interest in the newbie to the group. Fine, actually, I can deal with that. I didn't expect all that much more. After all, I don't know these people from a hole in a tree and surely don't expect to become instant friends with them just because they're friends of a friend of mine.

On the other hand, in one case it went way far the other way.

Now, Soprano seems really nice; someone who I could be friends with and who I'd certainly get together with when she returns to these shores. But I didn't have the heart to explain to her that I'm not good with the touchy-feely, and linking arms with people I've just met while we walk down the road is not something I'm comfortable with. I don't even do that with leopard_lady, though we did hug loads, and I've known her one way or another for years. It takes me aback when someone's acting like a good friend when we've only just met. Not bad, per se ... just weird.

And then of course, there was leopard_lady and her boyfriend. Now, I'm not sure about the pettiness of this, given my reactions to it. I'm terribly afraid that it is petty, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. But first let me say this; Porthos (so named 'cos he looks like Oliver Platt) is one of the good guys. Someone I could probably consider a friend-once-removed, if you see what I mean.

All the same ... he gets her seven or eight months out of the year. I haven't seen her in a year and a half. Saturday was great but ... I felt like the intruder a few times. And because I am who I am, I didn't want to butt in or try to take the lion's share of the attention -- I've been accused of that enough to make the very idea anathema. I wanted instead to just go away and leave them to it. I would've, too, had my conscience reminded me that leaving two people in a strange part of a city they don't live in is not a good idea. I didn't want to intrude on them -- they were really happy. All the same, I did feel a little short-changed.

But that's only natural. The boyfriend/girlfriend thing is like that. It's been a long time since I've really had that in any healthy manner so how the hell should I judge?

All the same, I wish Camden had been just her and me. Selfish? Yes. But I wouldn't have acted on it, and I'm not sure I can be held accountable for just having the odd selfish thought now and then. Even with regards the leather goods stores -- that was not about wanting to run the show, exactly; it was wanting to do something I was remotely interested in on my day off. So sorry.

Thess