Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun

I swear I have a sign floating over my head, legible only to those of the criminal persuasion, which reads "Easy Target". It's the only explanation for the fact that, almost every single time I go out on my own for an extended period of time, something nasty along those lines happens to me. The only problem is, in this country they let people have handguns and Friday afternoon, I found out about it firsthand. Yep, readers, after all the times I've written people having guns pointed at them, it's actually happened to me.

I should have got a better look (okay, any look) at the guy's face. Fine, him knowing I could identify him to the cops would probably have given him an excuse to fire the stupid gun, but it would have been nice to not feel like a total moron when I actually did get forced to report the situation to the law. Hell, I should have tried disarming the moron; he was none too steady with that thing, particularly when I was handing over my cash. But then I probably would have been shot anyway. But by the end of the experience, when the shock wore off and I found myself stranded in a North Carolina slum with no cash and no hope of getting where I needed to go, I was at the point of wishing he'd shot me anyway.

There are some great people in my life, and the upshot is I got bailed out of the situation by the chibi and her family. Fine, I was resistant to the idea of having her involved in the chin-deep-and-rising shit swamp that is my life any further, but everyone was right in saying there was no alternative. Whatever gods are out there, bless and keep the chibi and her family because they are some damn good people and don't ever deserve to have another crappy day in their lives. ^_^

As for me, plans continue to be made to get me from where I am to where I will begin setting myself up a non-transient RealLife. Things are still a little loose as yet, but will cease to be within the next couple of days or so. Which is fine because I'm not slated to have to depart Mamoru's place for a little while and I don't want to leave until I really have to. There are comfort levels with the RealLife situation that need to be reached, but I think we're getting there and will get further with it, given time. (Anyway, I just got here; it's far too damn early to be thinking about departure dates yet...)

So, apart from being a little tired, I'm okay, against all the odds. As I sit here getting message windows from all and sundry, I'm thinking that, with so many people who care about me, it's probably doing them a disservice to kill myself in the face of all their efforts. The scariest part of all of this is that I'm almost positive that this realisation won't last. I know my own mind and one day the thought will return that, yes they care, but they shouldn't. And when that day comes, all I can do is hope that, if I don't believe or even remember what I'm writing now, there'll still be people around to convince me otherwise. No it won't be Wendy and it probably won't even be Lily at this rate (she got incensed at my persistent refusal to ask for help when stranded and had to leave the chat room in which she, Mamoru, Ryu, Dil and the chibi had set up to extricate me from my predicament) but with any luck, Mamoru, Ryu, Dil, the chibi and the chimney among others will still be there to remind.

Just hope I'm not asking too much there.

Thessaly