Mutant Rabbits Must Die, Cont'd
Jan. 10th, 2010 02:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thessalianIn FFXI news, I have not as yet massacred enough bunnies to unlock Dark Knight as an advanced job yet. Also, I'm becoming convinced that the Beastmen's ability/likelihood to aggro has either:
a) been gimped beyond all recognition
b) become entirely arbitrary
Seriously, I recall beginning my FFXI-related life as a teeny tiny Deathgnome and crawling up the single-figure levels in Sarutabaruta. I remember being terrified of the goblins and Yagudo that ran around the place while I was busy being single-figure-level nothing. I recall the indescribable noise produced when some nasty beastie horror caught sight of you from some unfathomable distance and being obliged to either stand and fight (low MP, low HP, no hope in hell) or run like the wind and zone out (oh, but the nearest zone point is half the area away; how fast can these little springy Taru move?) or ... well, hope that someone spots you dying and leaps in to help. Your ears become very sharp very fast when it comes to that indescribable noise of being aggroed.
I don't expect to be levelling Warrior and crossing the path of a goblin at level five, only to have it not even notice until I shove a sword in its face. Some of them noticed me and aggroed. Some of them did not. I am ... bemused by this. However, not being aggroed by the goblin that I was going to attack anyway in no way alleviates my displeasure at being aggroed by an Orc hiding behind a faraway tree waiting to ambush me while I was taking my stupidly slow great sword Chaosbringer to a Forest Hare. I came very, very close to triumphing over both. However, I did not triumph over both. The mutant rabbit died. The Orc ... not so much. Bloody Warcry.
So anyway, yeah, I am going to have to go and kill more mutant rabbits to actually unlock this job. And you hear me talking about 'mutant rabbits' and wonder what on earth I mean?
That's a rabbit in the wonderful world of Vana'diel. Kind of looks like the mutant offspring of a rabbit, a gerbil and an owl, doesn't it? This is not the freakiest thing in FFXI, but it's one of the first you see if you start up anywhere but Bastok. Seriously, a look at any bestiary for the game is worth it just for the "OMGWTFBBQ?" factor. One day I'm going to make a list of all the BIG things I've fought, just to say I did.
Also, before I get too caught up in squishing the little mutant hoppers? Interview with Carl M Tanner, Hunter's Get and accountant extraordinaire. This particular interview is kind of special because it's the only one that hasn't entirely seen the light of day yet. See, I wrote this for email distribution and there were profanity filters to be considered and so the entirety of what I sent out was marked out with [expletive] where the swear words should be. But there are no profanity filters here, unless you the blog reader have put them there yourself, and so...
1) Why Accountancy? Wouldn’t a more physical job suit your, err, temperament better?
You sound like my fuckin' career advisor back in sixth form. Look, in physical jobs, usually the work is fuckin' thankless and the pay's shite. I could probably do the fuckin' pro martial arts circuit, but then I'd have to do fuckin' adverts and similar shite to keep the fuckin' money coming in and can you really damn well see me as the fuckin' poster boy for any gods-damned thing? I don't fuckin' think so. Plus then my fuckin' career would be bloody well over by age fuckin' thirty, and then what the fuck would I do? Plus I'd probably lose all fuckin' cool one day and fuckin' kill some arsehole and that'd be a bitch. Accountancy's a kind of a fuckin' hunt as well, plus I'm bloody good with numbers and the pay's fuckin' wicked, so why the hell not?
2) Ever been fired for shredding a client?
I have some fuckin' sense of propriety, you know. Closest I came to that kind of shite was when I did bloody bouncer work to get some fuckin' dosh while I was at bloody uni. That's why I don't do fuckin' 'physical jobs'.
3) You could live in much more palatial surroundings than HIPPIE HQ, are you ever tempted to move out?
I bloody used to, you know. But with fuckin' Eudolpho running the hell rampant through the fuckin' plumbing system, there's no way in hell that I'd go jaunting off to fuckin' Docklands or wherever the hell. Tempted? Maybe a bit, but shite, I get less bloody grief about getting to fuckin' HIPPIE assignments on time and similar bollocks when we're all in one fuckin' place and there's enough damn room and I don't have to fuckin' cook or order in every gods-damned time I want to eat. So not so fuckin' much.
4) What do you rank as your Top Five Monster Battles?
Aw, shite. RACHEL? Do I have to answer this bloody bitch's questions?
(Yes! Now be polite, would you?)
Aw, wyvern shit. Okay. Age ten, first really fuckin' serious battle. Yearling fuckin' manticore running the hell rampant through Dad's fuckin' domain.
Age sixteen, first time I killed a fuckin' vamp. It's not as fuckin' easy as bloody Buffy would have you think. Fuckin' vampires. Fuckin' chair legs. Fuckin' Mark.
Age twenty-three. Nest of bloody harpies. Me, five of the bitches and a croquet mallet.
Age twenty-five. Fuckin' cyclops under fuckin' Tower Bridge. Arsehole was a fuckin' trial to kill.
Similar fuckin' age, first demon kill. Bastard nearly took my right arm off at the fuckin' shoulder joint.
5) So, what IS it with you and driving anyway?
Two words, you silly bint - ROAD RAGE. You ever been behind the wheel of a fuckin' car in the middle of bloody London? Those sons of bitches are fuckin' psychotic! A day would damn well come when I just fuckin' snapped and beat the lunatic arseholes to death with a fuckin' tyre iron.
Right. Food, then the mutant bunnies go SQUISH.
a) been gimped beyond all recognition
b) become entirely arbitrary
Seriously, I recall beginning my FFXI-related life as a teeny tiny Deathgnome and crawling up the single-figure levels in Sarutabaruta. I remember being terrified of the goblins and Yagudo that ran around the place while I was busy being single-figure-level nothing. I recall the indescribable noise produced when some nasty beastie horror caught sight of you from some unfathomable distance and being obliged to either stand and fight (low MP, low HP, no hope in hell) or run like the wind and zone out (oh, but the nearest zone point is half the area away; how fast can these little springy Taru move?) or ... well, hope that someone spots you dying and leaps in to help. Your ears become very sharp very fast when it comes to that indescribable noise of being aggroed.
I don't expect to be levelling Warrior and crossing the path of a goblin at level five, only to have it not even notice until I shove a sword in its face. Some of them noticed me and aggroed. Some of them did not. I am ... bemused by this. However, not being aggroed by the goblin that I was going to attack anyway in no way alleviates my displeasure at being aggroed by an Orc hiding behind a faraway tree waiting to ambush me while I was taking my stupidly slow great sword Chaosbringer to a Forest Hare. I came very, very close to triumphing over both. However, I did not triumph over both. The mutant rabbit died. The Orc ... not so much. Bloody Warcry.
So anyway, yeah, I am going to have to go and kill more mutant rabbits to actually unlock this job. And you hear me talking about 'mutant rabbits' and wonder what on earth I mean?
That's a rabbit in the wonderful world of Vana'diel. Kind of looks like the mutant offspring of a rabbit, a gerbil and an owl, doesn't it? This is not the freakiest thing in FFXI, but it's one of the first you see if you start up anywhere but Bastok. Seriously, a look at any bestiary for the game is worth it just for the "OMGWTFBBQ?" factor. One day I'm going to make a list of all the BIG things I've fought, just to say I did.
Also, before I get too caught up in squishing the little mutant hoppers? Interview with Carl M Tanner, Hunter's Get and accountant extraordinaire. This particular interview is kind of special because it's the only one that hasn't entirely seen the light of day yet. See, I wrote this for email distribution and there were profanity filters to be considered and so the entirety of what I sent out was marked out with [expletive] where the swear words should be. But there are no profanity filters here, unless you the blog reader have put them there yourself, and so...
1) Why Accountancy? Wouldn’t a more physical job suit your, err, temperament better?
You sound like my fuckin' career advisor back in sixth form. Look, in physical jobs, usually the work is fuckin' thankless and the pay's shite. I could probably do the fuckin' pro martial arts circuit, but then I'd have to do fuckin' adverts and similar shite to keep the fuckin' money coming in and can you really damn well see me as the fuckin' poster boy for any gods-damned thing? I don't fuckin' think so. Plus then my fuckin' career would be bloody well over by age fuckin' thirty, and then what the fuck would I do? Plus I'd probably lose all fuckin' cool one day and fuckin' kill some arsehole and that'd be a bitch. Accountancy's a kind of a fuckin' hunt as well, plus I'm bloody good with numbers and the pay's fuckin' wicked, so why the hell not?
2) Ever been fired for shredding a client?
I have some fuckin' sense of propriety, you know. Closest I came to that kind of shite was when I did bloody bouncer work to get some fuckin' dosh while I was at bloody uni. That's why I don't do fuckin' 'physical jobs'.
3) You could live in much more palatial surroundings than HIPPIE HQ, are you ever tempted to move out?
I bloody used to, you know. But with fuckin' Eudolpho running the hell rampant through the fuckin' plumbing system, there's no way in hell that I'd go jaunting off to fuckin' Docklands or wherever the hell. Tempted? Maybe a bit, but shite, I get less bloody grief about getting to fuckin' HIPPIE assignments on time and similar bollocks when we're all in one fuckin' place and there's enough damn room and I don't have to fuckin' cook or order in every gods-damned time I want to eat. So not so fuckin' much.
4) What do you rank as your Top Five Monster Battles?
Aw, shite. RACHEL? Do I have to answer this bloody bitch's questions?
(Yes! Now be polite, would you?)
Aw, wyvern shit. Okay. Age ten, first really fuckin' serious battle. Yearling fuckin' manticore running the hell rampant through Dad's fuckin' domain.
Age sixteen, first time I killed a fuckin' vamp. It's not as fuckin' easy as bloody Buffy would have you think. Fuckin' vampires. Fuckin' chair legs. Fuckin' Mark.
Age twenty-three. Nest of bloody harpies. Me, five of the bitches and a croquet mallet.
Age twenty-five. Fuckin' cyclops under fuckin' Tower Bridge. Arsehole was a fuckin' trial to kill.
Similar fuckin' age, first demon kill. Bastard nearly took my right arm off at the fuckin' shoulder joint.
5) So, what IS it with you and driving anyway?
Two words, you silly bint - ROAD RAGE. You ever been behind the wheel of a fuckin' car in the middle of bloody London? Those sons of bitches are fuckin' psychotic! A day would damn well come when I just fuckin' snapped and beat the lunatic arseholes to death with a fuckin' tyre iron.
Right. Food, then the mutant bunnies go SQUISH.