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thessalian ([personal profile] thessalian) wrote2011-04-21 10:34 am
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read the tiny manifesto of my peepul

It's another one of those days in which I am trapped in an office where all I get to do all day is copy/paste letters from one document to another. *confetti* But at least I have my back to a wall and I can faff if I want to. And believe me, I want to. So much. Sometimes this job? NOT all it is cracked up to be. But at least it gets me paid. I guess anything that keeps me in broadband and Mountain Dew is a good thing.

For those of you who don't live in London, the current state of affairs is 'warm, sunny and stuffed to the gills with tourists'. This last bit isn't particularly unusual, to be fair - London is 'One Of Those Cities', y'know? I mean, it seems to be a running theme that tourists coming to London assume that ... y'know, that's all London's for. It's like they think it's Disneyworld or something, where everyone is pottering around strictly for their benefit and their job is strictly to be backdrop to the tourist experience. Sort of the same kind of mood you'll get in someplace like New York or Los Angeles or Paris or someplace.

News flash, people: millions of people live and work here. Yes, it's a city full of history and entertainment and beautiful architecture and all manner of things to do and see. But it's not bloody Disneyworld, okay? The people bustling around in your holiday photos of London are not there just to be 'a little local colour'. They're trying to get to work, or home from work, or grab a quick lunch break, or get to a doctor's appointment, or do the shopping for the week. It'd be nice if you respected that a tiny bit.

I actually recommend a series of bylaws for tourists. Maybe confine offenders to their hotels and stick repeat offenders on the no-fly list.

1) People cannot walk through you and your map. Therefore, there are places that not only manners but simple common sense dictate that you should not unfold a big map and spend at least five minutes poring over it, trying to decide where to go next. Places like ... the tops or bottoms of stairwells and escalators. Or right in front of Tube station ticket barriers. Or any doorway. Or smack in the middle of the sidewalk. Particularly if you are in a group, make sure that you are not blocking someone's way before you start poring over a map.

2) If you are asking for directions, be consise. Know what it is you're actually looking for. Do not expect someone to know exactly where 'that place with the thing' or 'that place where that play by that guy' is on if that's literally all you can tell them. Likewise, do your research and if you're heading for a multi-building complex, know which building you want. Don't stand in, say, one part of University College London, which spreads out over half the gods-damned city, and say, "No, just tell me where UCL is". Or at least, accept that the answer is, "All around you; can you please name a specific building so I can actually help you?" without rolling your eyes like the one who lives here is the stupid one.

3) On that subject ... the dirty looks when we maybe accidentally get in your well-framed picture of Tower Bridge or squeeze past you when you're standing in front of the ticket barrier at Oxford Street? They're unbecoming and unnecessary. We try to be polite. We try to hang back when you're taking pictures. But we would like to get on with our lives and if you're going to be selfish, thoughtless arseholes, we're going to get around you - as politely as possible, but we are going to get on with our lives. We've gone through the Blitz, the IRA, various Roman invasions, the Great Fire and more generalised terrorist bombing crap than you can imagine. We're not going to let a bunch of bloody tourists stop us from going about our day. So lose the 'tude. You're on our turf now. Respect it.

Don't mind me. I'm just a little aerated about the tourists because they're coming out in more droves than usual this week. But that's not surprising. Next week, Prince William marries Kate Middleton and London's going to be a veritable zoo. I feel bad for William and Kate, I really do. I imagine both of them just want to run away and get hitched in a registry office or something, but they know they can't. It's all gone insane, with the merchandising and everything. Though as I understand it, the Charles/Diana thing was just as bad. (I'm a little too young and too Canadian to really remember that one, but I hear things.)

Right. I'm done bitching. Smoke break, and then back to the grind. Yeargh.

[identity profile] jedishadowolf.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 01:37 pm (UTC)(link)
I have to admit, the hoopla surrounding the Royal Wedding is just insane. I get that it's a huge deal, but wow. I mean for goodness sakes, my library here is sponsoring a tea party to watch the streaming coverage. Nuts I tell ya!

[identity profile] phoenixblaze.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 07:37 pm (UTC)(link)
The hubbub here in the States is absurd for royal wedding. And people look at me like I'm insane when I tell them I couldn't care less and I'd rather think about my wedding in a few years. o_o

[identity profile] tempus-teapot.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 01:52 pm (UTC)(link)
I promise that when I next get to London, I will do none of those annoying things. I have lived in a tourist town, working right next to Cannery Row, and I can relate to your manifesto in all respects only add in some complaints about tourist drivers.

I'm just barely old enough to have any memories of the Charles/Diana thing, and the hubbub here in the US was absurd, I can only imagine what it would have been in London.

One of my visits to London when I was a little girl results in my being able to say that I literally slept through a bomb going off in the building next to our hotel.

[identity profile] marigoldsthorn.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 04:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Ugh.. people. I get this a lot just walking to Uni so I know how you feel. I can't count how many times I've been asked for directions in broken English.

[identity profile] minmorton.livejournal.com 2011-04-22 02:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Once I was in Paris with my (english) husband and an American friend - and some (actually quite nice and) very lost American tourists spotted us (presumably not looking their idea of chic and Parisian ...) and said 'Do you speak American' in lovely 'y'all' accents - I looked at my husband and without thinking said 'oh - we don't but she does'

Luckily they had a sense of humour

[identity profile] marigoldsthorn.livejournal.com 2011-04-22 03:22 pm (UTC)(link)
XD Hilarious. :P

[identity profile] phoenixblaze.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh man, that sounds absolutely horrible. I live just north of Boston, Mass and go to school at Salem State University, which is yup, where all our famous witch trial bullshit happened. Salem is a pain in the ass to get too and from when the tourists are all out. And they get really mad when you remind them that the "museums" they're seeing aren't always museums, many of them are private businesses just trying to pick up on the Salem tourism. But seriously people, there's really nothing worth seeing in Salem, Mass!

You must have so many stories. My best friend works in a new age bookstore in Salem and she has people take pictures of her and ask if she's a real witch. XD (My best friend is Buddhist!)

[identity profile] thessalian.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah; the US has Salem, Mass ... the UK has Whitby, which now holds a two-week-long Goth festival every year to corral all the poseur arseholes who drift around the place in too much eye makeup and too much dark velvet and lace because Stoker wrote the town as where Dracula washed up. Woo. *chuckle*

As to the stories ... yes, I have many. Some are not for mixed company. But maybe one day I'll reminisce in blog form about taking my friends on a tour of the London Dungeon and, among other things, leading them in a rousing chorus of Tom Lehrer's "We Will All Go Together When We Go" in the queue to pass the time. *g*

[identity profile] phoenixblaze.livejournal.com 2011-04-21 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh man, I don't mind some goth incorporations in fashion, but when I see guys who paint their fingernails black, I *KNOW* we're not going to get along. It just makes me want to punch people, especially when they try to make their voice all dark and slow. It's really bad some parts around here and sometimes, especially on campus, I feel like my eyes are perpetually rolling.

I would love to hear stories sometime. I love being able to comisserate with others who have to suffer through intolerable tourists!

[identity profile] caira.livejournal.com 2011-04-22 02:24 pm (UTC)(link)
. . . is it wrong that the most terrifying part of that link was the wax figure of Britney Spears on the ad for Madam Tussaud's?