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thessalianThis week just wasn't starting off on a bad enough foot. Northern Line ceases to exist (not that Sunday didn't have severe compensations), the banes of my existence are ... baneful, I suppose. And now my heating's not working. The men-things will be coming to fix it at three. I think. You know repairmen.
And I started thinking about the word "Sorry".![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nightskywarlock wrote an entry about that, and it's sort of got into my head and not gone away. I don't need philosophy right now; I haven't slept properly in three nights and I'm unbelievably frustrated and fed up. But I'm stuck with it anyway, so I'll work it out in words.
Is "sorry" just a buzzword? Something that's mouthed and so rarely meant that it's lost all meaning? Sometimes, I suppose. And there's a certain level of truth to the statement, "If you were really sorry, you'd stop doing it". I've certainly heard that enough in my life.
Problem is, sometimes you can't stop doing whatever it is that's hurting the person. I know people who appear completely helpless to stop themselves from doing the things they claim they're so sorry for. The "sorry" doesn't only mean "I'm sorry for doing this"; it also means "I'm sorry I can't stop doing this". Fine, it's small comfort, but it's better than the alternative, which is "I don't care that I'm doing this at all; not even enough to pay lip service to it".
I try, when I can, to walk the line between saying what I actually mean (I won't say "I love you" until I know damn well I mean it) and being polite. In the case of "Sorry", take this scenario: I speak my mind about something, and someone takes offence. Happens all the time. Sometimes I won't say I'm sorry, but usually I will, with a caveat -- "I'm sorry that I offended you". Because most times I am actually sorry that I've hurt someone's feelings with my opinion or my actions. And then I will sometimes change my behaviour, at least as long as I remember to; I'll keep off that subject in future, because we're both entitled to our opinions but we're not obliged to air them every chance we get and possibly offend each other all over again.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Mostly, I suppose, I'm just trying to figure out what my views on it are. But it hits hard -- there have been times when even a false "I'm sorry" would have been better than nothing at all. And then there are people who have said "I'm sorry" so many times that the words have nearly lost meaning. And then there's me, caught in the middle of both, just trying to do the right damn thing.
And I started thinking about the word "Sorry".
nightskywarlock wrote an entry about that, and it's sort of got into my head and not gone away. I don't need philosophy right now; I haven't slept properly in three nights and I'm unbelievably frustrated and fed up. But I'm stuck with it anyway, so I'll work it out in words.Is "sorry" just a buzzword? Something that's mouthed and so rarely meant that it's lost all meaning? Sometimes, I suppose. And there's a certain level of truth to the statement, "If you were really sorry, you'd stop doing it". I've certainly heard that enough in my life.
Problem is, sometimes you can't stop doing whatever it is that's hurting the person. I know people who appear completely helpless to stop themselves from doing the things they claim they're so sorry for. The "sorry" doesn't only mean "I'm sorry for doing this"; it also means "I'm sorry I can't stop doing this". Fine, it's small comfort, but it's better than the alternative, which is "I don't care that I'm doing this at all; not even enough to pay lip service to it".
I try, when I can, to walk the line between saying what I actually mean (I won't say "I love you" until I know damn well I mean it) and being polite. In the case of "Sorry", take this scenario: I speak my mind about something, and someone takes offence. Happens all the time. Sometimes I won't say I'm sorry, but usually I will, with a caveat -- "I'm sorry that I offended you". Because most times I am actually sorry that I've hurt someone's feelings with my opinion or my actions. And then I will sometimes change my behaviour, at least as long as I remember to; I'll keep off that subject in future, because we're both entitled to our opinions but we're not obliged to air them every chance we get and possibly offend each other all over again.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Mostly, I suppose, I'm just trying to figure out what my views on it are. But it hits hard -- there have been times when even a false "I'm sorry" would have been better than nothing at all. And then there are people who have said "I'm sorry" so many times that the words have nearly lost meaning. And then there's me, caught in the middle of both, just trying to do the right damn thing.
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 04:05 am (UTC)Still, it does provide food for thought.
One thing that I wondered about, in one of my more whimsical moments- what does it mean to be sorry that you're not sorry enough?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 04:13 am (UTC)Since you seem like you could use a giggle...
Date: 2003-10-21 04:51 am (UTC)Re: Since you seem like you could use a giggle...
Date: 2003-10-21 05:20 am (UTC)Re: Since you seem like you could use a giggle...
Date: 2003-10-21 11:21 am (UTC)