The Joys of the NHS
Open Letter to Any Brit Without Private Health Insurance Who Reads This Journal:
Okay, I know the frustration of having to wait months for an appointment. I know the tooth-grating misery of having to deal with people who don't know their jobs from a hole in the ground over the phone. I know the horrors of waiting rooms, "We can't find your notes" and all the other hellishness that is being a NHS patient. On my salary, believe me - I am one, so I know.
That said, my plea is as follows: Don't take it out on the secretaries all the time.
Sometimes, the secretaries are getting screwed around as badly as you are.
Sometimes, the secretaries don't have your notes because your notes were stolen by some selfish twat in another deparment and they were never booked out so they can't be tracked to a location and said selfish twat has left them in a big pile on their office floor and refused to send them back to medical records.
Sometimes, the secretaries do not have the information you are looking for because IT doesn't know its arse from a hole in the ground and has royally screwed up the shiny new computer system it set up at the most inconvenient time possible.
Sometimes, the secretaries cannot get a hold of the doctor because said doctor is on the ward, or in clinic, or in another building, or in another hospital. In another part of the city, no less. In fact, this is most often true. I'm sorry, but the secretaries cannot 'put you through' to a private practice in Epping from a NHS hospital in Whitechapel.
Sometimes ... no, actually, all the time now, the secretaries are being honest with you when they say they cannot book you an appointment. There's been a special office set up for that kind of thing in this Trust for years, and now the secretaries just don't have access to that part of the computer system anymore because they do not need it. They are incapable of booking you an appointment. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Sometimes, in short, the secretaries are not responsible for your misery, and allowing long, accusatory silences to build in the phone lines or giving them grief over what they cannot change only wastes everyone's time and makes life difficult for all concerned.
Therefore, the secretaries would be grateful if you could take the following suggestions and comments on board:
- Reiterating three times what exactly your medical condition is to a secretary over the phone is not going to help anything. Secretary != diagnostician. Secretary != doctor of any description. Secretary = "person who types the letters and doesn't necessarily pay a blind bit of attention to what she's typing in a bid to get the letters out of the way as fast as possible. Therefore: Secretary Who Gives Medical Advice To Patient Over Phone = Lawsuit Candidate. And also = Sacked. If going into gruesome detail about your current symptoms is meant to generate sympathy in the secretary and get her to do whatever it is you want her to do that she's not doing ... think again. Really, she'd be doing what you want already if it would get you off the phone quicker, and all you're doing is wasting her time and yours, and ensuring that she's really pissed off with you. We hear worse every day.
- Same goes for telling the secretary numerous times how upset and frustrated you are with the situation. She is likely as frustrated as you are, if not more so, because she's having to deal with at least a dozen people like you at a go and isn't allowed to go beat sense into the miscommunicating bastards responsible.
- Letting a long, uncomfortable, accusatory silence build over the phone is a really good way of bringing a NHS secretary to the end of her patience. You cannot bully a NHS secretary over the phone with silence. She will not jump to do your bidding just to fill the silence, particularly when what you are asking is not possible. She will simply go back to her typing until you actually say something.
- Please, stop saying, "Well, you're no help, are you?" to the temp. The temp is trying. However, the temp doesn't know what you've been going through for the past few months because she has not been there for the past few months and doesn't necessarily even cover the consultant in whose office she is currently sitting anyway. She is there to type letters, take messages and not fuck around with stuff that the person she's covering for knows a whole hell of a lot better than you. It's two more days and a weekend; either go to A&E if it's desperately urgent or suck it up for a few more days.
- Do not ask for the consultant's mobile number. Do not ask for his number at the hospital with which you are not registered. Do not ask for his private secretary's number if you are not his private patient. Do not ask for his email address. Stop hounding the doctor via his secretary. If she gives you any of that contact information, she will be sacked.
- Do not ask to have your medical records faxed to you, emailed to you, or read to you over the phone. The secretary will not do that. It is a patient confidentiality issue and if she does it, and she is found out, she will be sacked, sued and charged with some kind of offence or other. Stop asking the secretaries to break the law.
- Same goes for asking a NHS secretary to do private work. As she's being paid (poorly, as it happens) by the NHS, dealing with any private patient stuff on NHS paid time technically constitutes fraud. Sometimes consultants get around this by paying the secretary out of their own pocket for working overtime on private work, but I've only seen this done once, and it probably still constituted fraud because of the lack of tax records and so forth. (Then again, £10 an hour cash in hand maybe three times a year, but all the same.) Stop trying to get the secretary sacked, sued or arrested.
In short, please respect the secretaries. If it helps, look at it this way - you know the old adage about never being rude to anyone who handles your food? These are people who have access to your medical records. Don't mess around with people who have access to your medical records. I'm sure that any really pissed-off NHS secretary with nothing to lose can be ... inventive when it comes to that kind of thing. If you get one sacked? She will have nothing to lose.
Can you tell I'm having a bad day?
Okay, I know the frustration of having to wait months for an appointment. I know the tooth-grating misery of having to deal with people who don't know their jobs from a hole in the ground over the phone. I know the horrors of waiting rooms, "We can't find your notes" and all the other hellishness that is being a NHS patient. On my salary, believe me - I am one, so I know.
That said, my plea is as follows: Don't take it out on the secretaries all the time.
Sometimes, the secretaries are getting screwed around as badly as you are.
Sometimes, the secretaries don't have your notes because your notes were stolen by some selfish twat in another deparment and they were never booked out so they can't be tracked to a location and said selfish twat has left them in a big pile on their office floor and refused to send them back to medical records.
Sometimes, the secretaries do not have the information you are looking for because IT doesn't know its arse from a hole in the ground and has royally screwed up the shiny new computer system it set up at the most inconvenient time possible.
Sometimes, the secretaries cannot get a hold of the doctor because said doctor is on the ward, or in clinic, or in another building, or in another hospital. In another part of the city, no less. In fact, this is most often true. I'm sorry, but the secretaries cannot 'put you through' to a private practice in Epping from a NHS hospital in Whitechapel.
Sometimes ... no, actually, all the time now, the secretaries are being honest with you when they say they cannot book you an appointment. There's been a special office set up for that kind of thing in this Trust for years, and now the secretaries just don't have access to that part of the computer system anymore because they do not need it. They are incapable of booking you an appointment. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Sometimes, in short, the secretaries are not responsible for your misery, and allowing long, accusatory silences to build in the phone lines or giving them grief over what they cannot change only wastes everyone's time and makes life difficult for all concerned.
Therefore, the secretaries would be grateful if you could take the following suggestions and comments on board:
- Reiterating three times what exactly your medical condition is to a secretary over the phone is not going to help anything. Secretary != diagnostician. Secretary != doctor of any description. Secretary = "person who types the letters and doesn't necessarily pay a blind bit of attention to what she's typing in a bid to get the letters out of the way as fast as possible. Therefore: Secretary Who Gives Medical Advice To Patient Over Phone = Lawsuit Candidate. And also = Sacked. If going into gruesome detail about your current symptoms is meant to generate sympathy in the secretary and get her to do whatever it is you want her to do that she's not doing ... think again. Really, she'd be doing what you want already if it would get you off the phone quicker, and all you're doing is wasting her time and yours, and ensuring that she's really pissed off with you. We hear worse every day.
- Same goes for telling the secretary numerous times how upset and frustrated you are with the situation. She is likely as frustrated as you are, if not more so, because she's having to deal with at least a dozen people like you at a go and isn't allowed to go beat sense into the miscommunicating bastards responsible.
- Letting a long, uncomfortable, accusatory silence build over the phone is a really good way of bringing a NHS secretary to the end of her patience. You cannot bully a NHS secretary over the phone with silence. She will not jump to do your bidding just to fill the silence, particularly when what you are asking is not possible. She will simply go back to her typing until you actually say something.
- Please, stop saying, "Well, you're no help, are you?" to the temp. The temp is trying. However, the temp doesn't know what you've been going through for the past few months because she has not been there for the past few months and doesn't necessarily even cover the consultant in whose office she is currently sitting anyway. She is there to type letters, take messages and not fuck around with stuff that the person she's covering for knows a whole hell of a lot better than you. It's two more days and a weekend; either go to A&E if it's desperately urgent or suck it up for a few more days.
- Do not ask for the consultant's mobile number. Do not ask for his number at the hospital with which you are not registered. Do not ask for his private secretary's number if you are not his private patient. Do not ask for his email address. Stop hounding the doctor via his secretary. If she gives you any of that contact information, she will be sacked.
- Do not ask to have your medical records faxed to you, emailed to you, or read to you over the phone. The secretary will not do that. It is a patient confidentiality issue and if she does it, and she is found out, she will be sacked, sued and charged with some kind of offence or other. Stop asking the secretaries to break the law.
- Same goes for asking a NHS secretary to do private work. As she's being paid (poorly, as it happens) by the NHS, dealing with any private patient stuff on NHS paid time technically constitutes fraud. Sometimes consultants get around this by paying the secretary out of their own pocket for working overtime on private work, but I've only seen this done once, and it probably still constituted fraud because of the lack of tax records and so forth. (Then again, £10 an hour cash in hand maybe three times a year, but all the same.) Stop trying to get the secretary sacked, sued or arrested.
In short, please respect the secretaries. If it helps, look at it this way - you know the old adage about never being rude to anyone who handles your food? These are people who have access to your medical records. Don't mess around with people who have access to your medical records. I'm sure that any really pissed-off NHS secretary with nothing to lose can be ... inventive when it comes to that kind of thing. If you get one sacked? She will have nothing to lose.
Can you tell I'm having a bad day?
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}